Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Breaking it Down




So as I was laying in my bed thinking Ive been painting non stop for about 2-3 years with no breaks.. and I have to say its been a fun ride.. met some really cool people and got to travel a bit which leads me to my constant battle that my head is going through for the past year..December of 2008 I showed for the first time in Chicago.. did not know what to expect but I was stoked for sure I was going to meet Matt Ryan Sharp and visiting Chicago again since Ive last been there back in 02? with my old band when we played the fireside bowl...so I booked my flight and was set for Dec 2nd...to make a long story short, I had a blast, and seemed like everyone I met in Chicago was really chill and real down to earth...so I flew back and that's when it all started.. my mind started to conjure up all these ideas about relocating to Chicago..hmmmm moving from a cold place to an even COLDER place? haha it seemed odd but I was still into the idea... not to many people know that I have moved 16 times within CT haha and I'm only 30 so half of my life I've been moving... in June of this year it will be 4 years that I have been in New Haven..the longest time I stayed in one place has been 4 years.. so its almost like I'm starting to get that itch again to move.. is it because that's all I know from moving all my life? or is it that I have yet to find I place where I really feel at home.. Like I mentioned been in New Haven for about 4 years and I still don't feel I belong.. like I'm still just visiting...

Now from touring I was able to visit a lot of places and one place I fell in love with was San Francisco..there is a lot going on in SF for artist so I'm really drawn to that aspect of the city, but I think what holds me back from pursuing that is the expensive part...you mention SF and people say it's expensive.. sure I can just say peace to both places and stay living in CT but I feel like this place doesn't challenge me anymore.. you have shows and nothing but friends come out, which is all dandy but it be cool to meet new people.. if that was the case I would just have a gathering at my apt and say "hey by the way here is my art" The biggest show I could ever have here in CT I am having on Feb 4th and then after that I feel like this place is tapped out or maybe I'm not looking hard enough? I once heard a saying that goes like this: IF YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE YOU'LL NEVER GROW... before I moved to NH I was in my major comfort zone, I had to pay no rent, living in a nice house and everything was just super easy...although that situation didnt last and I ended up moving to New Haven.. out of my comfort zone I was like "damn, no more easy route" but little did I know how many good things were going to happen... something about New Haven (or was it just being back in the city) just sparked my creativity again...I started painting non stop, by the end of the year got into my first show and it just snow balled from there..fast forward 2 years and I have multiple solo shows under my belt including group shows all over the country (Chicago,LA,SF,NYC) not to mentioned a few releases I have coming out later this year...on top of that I was able to afford a studio where I can go nuts, paint bigger all that good stuff...but again comfort zone? to be honest I don't really see myself singing the lease to the studio come August.. I just don't envision it, which makes me believe that either I'm relocating or moving to another studio that in that building, but that would make no sense if that was the case..

I wish I could let this go and have it fall into place on its own.. but for some reason I can't which is odd because I'm usually not like that... so SF, Chicago or staying put? who knows but I'm hoping as the year goes by things will fall into place and it will be clear as to what is it that I need to do or go... so pluses for these places? well CT=Comfort Zone, friends & family, job? but then again I'm not working for some hot ass ad agency haha, Chicago=M.Collective which I just joined,way better art scene than CT, and my right hand man Matt Sharp, we do a lot and we are miles away, imagine being in the same place haha forget about it..
SF=bangin' weather, amazing art scene, and probably a shit load of opportunities that CT for sure does not have or will ever have for that matter.. did I mention the weather?

So with that being said I still have lots of figuring out, but I hope I'll see what needs to get done.. one thing is for sure this battle will continue in my head every night before I go to bed.. bummer haha

oh and PS. the dating sitch in CT BLOWS!

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